I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
