She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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