im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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