I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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