Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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