The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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