Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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