just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
