I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
