So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
should my penis look like a turkey
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You ate ashes out of my bong
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
