please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
