My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
