If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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