Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
