i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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