Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
