this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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