I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
