he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
