I feel like abortions should bother me more
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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