you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
