I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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