i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
zippers are such a cool invention
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
