Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
