We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
