we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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