Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
