I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude i'm inner monologue high
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
