I have demons in me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize