Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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