I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
