I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
