I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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