Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
