What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
