matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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