A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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