took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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