so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
