don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
