So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
