omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
