god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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