As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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