is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
