im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I can text with my tongue
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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