apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
