i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
