the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
is it fun? or sober?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize