weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
