I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
