Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
