please come you make the beer taste better
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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