anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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