worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
