I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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