He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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