shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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