that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
