And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
