I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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