Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
