Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My cat gives me a boner
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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