Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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