i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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