I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
