Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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