Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
